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Lost and Delirious: Likeable Characters, Moving Story – by Alex (new)

Lost and Delirious: a story of love and passion – by Sheree

Lost and Delirious: Paulie - a perfect soul - by Max

Lost and Delirious: So many questions were answered - by Chloe

Lost and Delirious: Love Knows No Bounds - by Justine

The kind of emotion I have experienced in my life - by Carla

Because it is the point of why we are here... - by Helena

I don't think words can express how wonderful L&D is - by Kristina

My relation to Lost and Delirious - by Sophie

Lost and delirious moved me like no other film - by Lisabet

Lost and Delirious - I sat at the back and cried.- by Revidescent

Lost and Delirious -...remember that always! - by Alicia

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Lost and Delirious -The perfect movie - by Karen

Lost and Delirious -It's all about the beauty of the soul - by Lara

Lost and Delirious - In some way, I carry Paulie with me - by Marija

Lost and Delirious - A Little of Me... - by Joanna

Lost inside Lost and Delirious - by Nikki

Lost and Delirious, My Past and My Future - by Nio

Lost and Delirious... amazingly beautiful - by Ant

Lost and Delirious - Review by Sabine

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Likeable Characters, Moving Story

Why does "Lost and Delirious" pack such an emotional wallop that it has brought so many of us to this Web site to share our often-effusive feelings about it? I obviously can't speak for anyone else. But, for me, the main reason is that the three main characters are not only very real but very likeable. As a result, I care about what happens to them.

Paulie is an ultra-assertive hellion who will blast a boom box while three of her schoolmates are trying to perform live music. But she has such an infectious sense of fun that I want to cut her slack as much as her teachers and fellow students do. What matters to me more than her enthusiasm, though, is her generous spirit. She shares some of her deepest feelings with Mouse shortly after they meet and, when Mouse does the same, renames her Mary Brave.

Paulie's denial that she or Tori are lesbians helps keep the movie from becoming a political tract and focuses it on the love between two individuals. Paulie's claim is plausible because she acts on it. She never shows a flicker of sexual or romantic interest in her sweet, kind friend Mary, even as she expresses an intense need to be connected to Mary as a blood sister -- and by exploring the darker reaches of their minds together.

Tori is as friendly and welcoming to Mary as Paulie is. Later, of course, she tells hurtful lies about Paulie in what I think of as the betrayal scene on the footbridge. Those lies, with the help of her sister Allison's vivid pre-adolescent imagination, eventually take the form of the memorable line, "She practically raped my sister." 

But the lies don't hurt Paulie anywhere near as much as Tori's rejection of her as a lover – and that is a decision Tori has a right to make. Tori struggles with the conflict between her love for Paulie and her urge to protect herself from the loss of her family's love. She is in tears as she leaves the footbridge after the betrayal, she begs Mary to be the friend Paulie needs, and she lets Paulie see her real feelings even while pulling away from her. After Paulie delivers her most venomous line -- "Do you always fuck your friends up against trees?" -- Tori seems to understand that Paulie is expressing hurt rather than hatred and reaches out to her.

Unfortunately, there's one scene where I don't think Tori is given enough to do. When Paulie walks into the library in fencing gear and dramatically quotes Shakespeare at her, Tori shouldn't sit still. That she does, I think, has more to do with stereotypes about the passivity of "feminine" women than with the real world. I think virtually any woman -- or high-school girl, in Tori's case -- would stand up for herself in that situation. All she needs to do is get up and say something, like, "Paulie, this is not OK."

But if Tori has a right to be angry in that scene, my instinct to cut Paulie a break continues. I can understand her behavior as an expression of the depth of her pain. Where I start to have trouble is when she has the sword fight with Jake. Not only is violence unacceptable, even if it takes the form of a "fair" fight, but fighting over a lover is a denial of the lover's autonomy. Tori has the right to decide between Paulie and Jake. They don't.

This isn't a criticism of the movie, though. “Lost and Delirious” is a chronicle of Paulie's descent into self-destruction -- not an endorsement of it.

Mary is the good, timid, sweet, smart girl we have all known, and she does what is expected of her with prompt efficiency. When Allison and her friends walk in on Tori and Paulie, Mary needs only a little prompting to take charge and bustle them out of the room, lying without any sign of a qualm. ("It's not what you think.") In fairness, though, that lie doesn't call for qualms. She's lying about something that's not their business.

My favorite two scenes involving Mary are the one where Allison warns her in the campus post office about what "people" are saying about her friendship with Paulie -- and the next scene. In the post office scene, Mary shows strength and courage when she says, "Paulie's my friend, so I guess it doesn't matter what people think." But if that were the end of it, she would come off as a bit of a plaster saint. What makes this sequence great is the next scene, which starts with Mary asking her friend Joe, the groundskeeper, "How much does it matter what people think?" That question humanizes her. Like the rest of us, she can do the right thing at times, but she isn't always sure she's glad she did.

To me, "Lost and Delirious" rises to the level of tragedy because there is no "bad" character. It's not a simplistic story about good versus evil. It's a story about good people making the choices they feel they have to make in the parts of their lives that matter most to them -- erotic love and family love -- and about those choices causing great pain to them and the people they care most about. There's no "other," no devil. All the people in this story are like us, and we feel for them.

In the Forum section of this site, I have expressed my disapproval of what I think is the romanticizing of Paulie's suicide at the end of the movie (and I think suicide is the reasonable interpretation of what this scene shows). There's no need to repeat those comments here. But I want to add that I don't think the suicide is necessary for the movie to be powerful and moving. I think an equally moving ending would be for us to see Paulie, in handcuffs, being put in the back of a police cruiser, cutting to the shots of the soaring falcon. This could be accompanied by a voiceover in which Mary says a lot of what she says in the movie's final voiceover and talks about how Paulie spent the years that followed in and out of jails and mental hospitals, spending the time in between in the same seedy neighborhoods as her birth mother but never crossing paths with her.

This is a lot like the ending of "The Wives of Bath," the novel the movie is based on. I like the movie much better than the book. But there is one poignant touch near the end of the book that could have worked well in the movie. Mouse (the name she keeps throughout the book) recounts Paulie telling her several years later that she has danced with a boy and let him lead.

Alex, September 9, 2007
 

Lost and Delirious: a story of love and passion – by Sheree
 

When i was reading the script before watching Lost and Delirious the fact that it was based on a lesbian relationship didn’t even register in my mind. This movie is a story of love and passion that you think will overcome any obstacle until parents and outside society comes into it.

It’s so sad that you can love someone so much but have to let them go because society sees it wrong to be in love with someone of the same sex. The fact that these girls share a bond that is so strong made me want to watch this movie desperately to see what makes them so drawn to each other in such an intense meaningful way and what makes it end in such a tragedy. The movie is really well scripted and i’ve read peoples comments on forum saying that it’s disgusting to have young girls kissing and doing sinful things but you have to think would these people be making the same comments if it was a "normal" relationship between a man and a women?

I don’t think it would have been as powerful love story if it wasn’t between two girls who share that friendship that a lot of us do that makes us feel like even if we spent a minute with a friend we instantly feel better. Love doesn’t discriminate. Lost and delirious made me cry because i didn’t want them to break up and end the relationship over such a trivial thing of there parents knowing. I think its beautiful that they don’t label themselves as lesbians but can love each other and have a sexual relationship without any shame none the less. I hope that i can experience the move soon. Reading a script and watching the movie are completely different things, reading the script you imagine the characters in your head and can go over and over a scene as much as you like with your own views on how it looks but watching a movie its how someone else sees the scene played out and you have to hope the director has the same views as you.

First of all after i saw the movie, i like that the movie doesn’t spotlight the fact that the girls are lesbians but instead shows the love that two people can have for one another with no regard to gender. The girls don’t see themselves as lesbians and i think that’s a beautiful thing because they aren’t letting themselves be labeled by stereotypes and society. Paulie is in love with Tori and that’s all that matters to her, she will do anything to protect and care for the one she loves and this is seen in the maths room scene were Tori is struggling with a question and Paulie steps up and takes the chalk and does the question herself to take the spot light of Paulie. She gets into trouble but she doesn’t care. I can’t really tell if everyone else knows that maybe Tori and Paulie are together but you can definitely tell that the teachers have a feeling something bad is going to happen and it does. I think the worst part of the movie is when Tori’s sister catches them naked in bed together, Paulie is told to get out of Tori’s bed and he hand is pushed away. This is the ultimate rejection for Paulie because this is the person she loves not letting her touch her. We see the pain that Paulie goes through after the break up but i don’t think that Tori’s pain is fully shown. She is crying after she tells her sister to tell everyone the lies about Paulie and she is still sensitive to Paulie after it all happens.

Then she goes off with a boy and i think i had a little hate for her at that moment because Paulie is hurting so much and Tori is kind of flaunting her straightness in her face with this boy. Mouse is caught up in all the drama and hasn’t really got anyone to turn to other then the gardener and she puts her time into that whilst trying to keep Paulie sane. She is the one that has to pick up the pieces and she has only just met the girls and found out about the relationship. All of the girls have similarities that make the movie more interesting so it’s not just revolved around Tori and Paulie. Paulie’s mother she doesn’t know, mouse mother had died and Tori’s mother is mean to her but she overcompensates by taking her on big holidays. All of the girls have a lack of mother figure in their lives and need to lean on each other to get that connection that’s why i think Paulie and Tori’s relationship is so strong and full of love because they completely trust each other until it all goes down hill.

Love just is and it will always be...just at different levels and Paulie cant bear to be without her love Tori and she sets herself free...

Sheree, April 19, 2007

Lost and Delirious: Paulie - a perfect soul – by Max

How can I explain what I feel? It is always difficult to pass our feelings on to someone else, but with Lost and Delirious this is totally IMPOSSIBLE.
How can a movie makes me cry at the 11th time I’m watching it? (I have watched L&D three times in Italian and eight times in original language, the only one that lets you understand how clever and fantastic the actresses are, especially Piper Perabo, the one who makes this movie the best ever!). I’d like to watch it more often, but it lets me so suffered and sad that I cannot do it.

She’s the only person who ever loved me. I think I’ll die without her.

You love me Tori. Like a friend. As a lover. Say it. I’m in love with you, Paulie. You say it, or I’ll stop this dance right now. Paulie, please, please. Then say it! Say it…..

I will make me a willow cabin at your gate, and call upon my soul within the house,
I rush into the secret house,

Contrary to other people who have experienced something similar to Paulie and Tori, I have not and this makes some of my friends incapable of understanding the reason that makes me crazy about this movie; they don’t understand that this is the best story ever, talking about REAL LOVE.

I will make me a willow cabin at your gate, and call upon my soul within the house, I will write loyal cantons of condemned love and sing them loud even in the dead of night. I will halloo your name to the reverberate hill and make babbling gossip of the air cry out, Victoria!

Really, while I am writing this review, I have just stopped crying and this is always more difficult to me, because IT IS UNFAIR WHAT’S HAPPENED TO PAULIE!!!
How is it that the most beautiful, brave, lively, sensitive, curious person, able to love in a real way, should let us here alone, in the middle of this world that too often seems really a “sty”? Or, maybe, is this world that doesn’t deserve to be able to hurt a wonderful person like Paulie?

Paulie’s my friend. So I guess it doesn’t really matter what other people think.

The first scene that makes me move is when Paulie takes a little mouse to the raptor to feed it and the first one that makes me cry is when Paulie sees the raptor flying again for the first time; these two scenes make me “feel” how beautiful and pure Paulie’s soul is, how sensitive she is and in which way she would take care of Tori, if the world around her wasn’t so stupid (euphemism!).

Do you think it’s going to be able to fly again?
Don’t worry, I’m gonna take care of it.
…….
I’m gonna protect you.

A person like Paulie should be protected and guarded like the most precious treasure that we could ever own, without caging her, because it doesn’t cage a raptor, but keeping a close watch on her, so that nobody and nothing could hurt her.

Make you grow up big and strong, so you can fly away from here. You can fly far away. You will fly away from here. You will fly away from here forever. Yeah! You’re gonna fly far away from here.

Don’t ever touch a raptor.

I love Pauline “Paulie” Oster, because she is all that I have always wished people around me be: sensitive, brave, lively, really able to love, really able to take care of somebody else, without worry about what other people think (except for her beloved). I will carry Paulie with me forever, because every day I think of her and her way to conceive real love is, and it will be forever, my only reference in my life.

I still dream of her every night. And I think I always will.

…love is! It just is and nothing you can say can make it go away, because it is the point of why we are here. It is the highest point, and once you are up there looking down on everyone else you’re there forever. Because if you move, right? You’ll fall. You’ll fall.

Besides the Italian DVD, I have the Canadian DVD (where I have watched the “behind the scenes”) and the Japanese DVD (where I have watched the “making of”: really wonderful, even if, at the end, it lets me so sad, after watching the customary farewells after the last shoot): this material and other interviews make me sure that Piper Perabo is a beautiful person too, amusing and deep at the same time and I am sure that no other actress would have been able to act the part of Paulie as she has acted. I am really happy that Piper works in a lot of movies, but on the other hand I am sorry, because she has the principal part only a few times ( I have watched Imagine me & you on DVD and one of the cut scenes is enough to understand how wasted is not to give her more principal parts).

I’d like to write a lot of other things, but, to finish up, I think that if somebody can still create and imagine a character like Paulie and somebody else can still direct and act a story like L&D and a lot of people can still love all of this (as we can understand watching on this beautiful site: thank you Stef, Marija, Mila and Yuri: you are great!), we can still hope in a better world!!!

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep: the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.

Massimo, January 19, 2007

Lost and Delirious: So many questions were answered - by Chloe

I recently watched the movie with my boyfriend and we were so very impressed with the piece of work that we wanted to get more info and low and behold we found this website!

So many questions were answered regarding the plot and characters, in particular Paulie; we loved her character! I have a gay brother and remember his struggles with his sexuality...I'm so thankful that he had a support system so that he did not take Paulie's route...bless her heart.

We liked Piper in "Cyote Ugly" and "Imagine Me and You", but this role put her talents into perspective for us and a lot of others, we're most certain. You could definitely tell that she put her heart and soul into this role.

Chloe, 3 January 2007
 

Lost and Delirious: Love Knows No Bounds - by Justine

Lost and Delirious is more than just an entertaining movie. It is a real experience. It is confronting, passionate, fun, daring, scary at times, emotional, honest, engaging with powerful performances by the three leads Piper Perabo, Jessica Pare’ and Mischa Barton, but above all it is heartbreaking.

I initially discovered this gem of a film, when I first decided to watch a new TV series a few years back called ‘The O.C.

I was instantly struck by actress Mischa Barton and thought that she was a good actress. I became curious about her other works and looked her up on the net, while looking up her filmography I came across L&D. The only other actor on the list of credits I knew of was Piper, and I had only seen her in ‘Coyote Ugly’. Even then I still didn’t know how much of a gifted and good actress she truly was and is.

On a leap of faith I bought the DVD, yet I wasn’t prepared for the emotional journey I was about to encounter.

The movie began. Through the 1 ½, I witnessed the struggle of three adolescent girls living in a boarding school. Paulie, Tori and Mary B.

Paulie and Tori are best friends and soon to be found out lovers.

What happens from then on is heartbreaking to watch. Tori as she turns her back in Paulie because of the fear of her parents finding out.

Tori is an extremely caring person, but she is bound of not standing up for her love for Paulie for fear of disappointment and being disowned by her family. Tori’s family is a big part of her life and she feels she needs them in it.

I think she feels trapped because she never feels good enough for her mother, and the high expectations they have of her and her life they expect her to live.

Paulie on the other hand is brave, fun and her love knows no bounds, especially for Tori.

Paulie doesn’t have a very good relationship with her foster mother, as she says "She smiles with her eyes and her hands are cold".

Paulie is a little broken inside. Tori was the only one that Paulie felt ever loved her.

What happens after being found out. Paulie’s whole world spirals out of control as she tries to fight and win back Tori, but unfortunately, it all ends tragically, as she has a breakdown.

As Mouse points out "Have you ever known someone who changed? Like the change from this to the winter freeze?"

Tori is her hold on the world.

What I like about Paulie is how unapologic she is about her love for Tori. She’s intensely passionate .

In the end I just wish that Tori had of been strong enough and had the courage to stand up and not of handled the situation the way she did, especially with Paulie.

It’s like the way Paulie said to her earlier in the film when they were reading the letters.

"Maybe that’s why you never say what you mean".

By the end of the film, I was totally blown away. It was beautiful, powerful, significant movie. Paulie and Tori loved one another so strongly, all I could think was "How could anyone deny them that?" or anyone else for that matter.

The movie hit me head on, something that I wasn’t totally prepared for. I was filled with emotion, delight and sadness by the end. But I loved it!.

I think every few years a movie always comes along that is just magic. I knew I had found a film that was amazing!.

I think when they are found out, suddenly there is the fear of homophobia, which I don’t think it ever entered Paulie and Tori’s head that they are lesbians. That’s not the way that they identified themselves. They are best friends but they love each other for who they are as people and souls.

It is best described in the "Cut My Hair" scene.

Mouse: She wants a guy, not a girl with hacked hair

Paulie: Lesbian? Are you fucking kidding me.. you think I’m a lesbian?!

Mouse: You’re a girl in love with a girl, aren’t you?

Paulie: No, I’m Paulie in love with Tori , remember?!....and Tori IS, she IS in love with me, because I am hers and she is mine and none of us are lesbians! (you can see how broken inside Paulie is. It’s heartbreaking).

They’re love was pure. It’s perfectly demonstrates in the "Love Just Is" scene.

"Liar, Liar, Liar, Liar!

You’ve all got your heads up in your assholes, because Love Is, it just is! And nothing you say can make it go away, because it IS the point of why we are here. It is the highest point, and once you are up there, looking down on everyone else, you’re there forever, because if you move, right….you’ll fall…you’ll fall".

What I took away and learned from this is not to be afraid to love with all your heart.

And Stef said something that made me think deeply about, that "This movie NEEDS to have this ending or we wouldn’t try to look for a better ending in real life".

I personally haven’t had the experience of loving another THIS intensely yet. But life isn’t always easy or as perfect as we wish it could be.

People don’t always like or agree with our views or who we date and there is homophobia in the world (as sad and angry as it makes me feel), but I think that if we are luckly enough to feel in love with another as strongly and passionately as P & T, then (whether your in Paulie or Tori’s position), hopefully we will try to be strong enough to stand up and fight for it. And not let society dictate what they think is right or wrong!.

To sum up this movie, is how Ms Vaughn says:

"You see what this is all about is LOVE!. Mad passionate love, that crosses all boundaries"

Justine, December 24, 2006
 

The kind of emotion I have experienced in my life - by Carla

my finding story:

before I discovered Lost and Delirious, I was watching Imagine Me and You. I was so touched by the production of this movie. I went online and looked at piper because I felt so proud that an amazing actress such as she is would do it. Then I saw Lost and Delirious in her filmography.

When I read through its summary and its genre I knew I have to see it. I wanted to see how Piper did in this genre and I have always wanted to watch a story with the kind of love in its intensity. Because I wanted to feel an appreciation for the kind of emotion I have experienced in my life. It also appealed to me to be proud and accept myself.

Days and nights have passed I could not sleep because I kept wondering to myself what Lost and Delirious is like in its story. Because I felt like im in love with its story with just looking at its summary and how people reacted to it especially straight ones…

So I thought to myself that I have to do something to see a copy of it. The next day I woke up and told myself I am going to find it after work. I couldn’t believe myself how tired I was from work already and just walked from one mall to another, video store to video store and no one has heard of it. When my day ended, I went home heartbroken. Lost and Delirious was not shown in all countries around the world unlike Brokeback Mountain.

I felt desperate so I went to Stef’s site. There, I posted a question and said how I tired myself looking for it. I felt lucky because he is very kind and he is the admin and how unbelievable how he wanted to help so I can see it. I’m so endlessly thankful because he is very friendly and so helpful.

THE CHARACTERS TO ME:

Mouse:

I have always been touched by third wheels. Especially the kind of friends such as Mary. She is wise with a very high perspective upon things which makes her so open-minded, smart enough to be skipped to senior year and a very loyal, supportive and accepting friend to Paulie and Tori.

Tori:

Tori reminded of my very first love. She also did not take homophobia so well that she cheated on me and so I ended up feeling like Paulie. She brought so much pain that I also felt my heart pounding and bursting out of my chest. I saw it in the making when Jessica Pare said how Tori wants everyone to like her. It is also true about that first love of mine. She would lie to herself to get people’s approval.

Paulie:

Paulie and I are much alike. It reminded me of my character when my mind speaks of love. Paulie and I experienced the same emotional torture. I can understand her in all of the sense of her pain. But the difference is Paulie only had Mouse as her friend because all the others who she knew in school cannot help her about it because of so much homophobia.

SCENES:

Bannet’s class:

In the classroom scene when Tori was talking to a friend and not listening, I started to feel in love like Shakespeare when Paulie and Tori looked and smiled at each other and see how they look at the eyes of love.

Talk about mothers:

In their open talk scene when Paulie reads the letter to her blood mother, Tori talks about how she hated her mom and Mouse cried, I felt so much in the story because of how they turned out raging about their lives. And I learned how “rage more!” came out of Paulie.

The Love Scene:

I quite went in tears to see Pauli and Tori make love because I felt how intense love felt between them which reminds me of a time in my past. Then there was the song “Beautiful” which makes the love told in the story so much stronger. I thought how this is so touching me.

The Kiss:

I felt much more love when I saw them kiss in the scene when Paulie was making her house for the raptor and Tori just finished her shower. I can only imagine how sweet the taste of one’s kiss on the other’s lips.

The Raptor:

When Paulie, one night, stayed awake and decided to run out to feed her raptor, I noticed how powerful her emotions can be. It was Paulie’s inspiration. It represented how far her reasons can go, even more than hers, more knowledge, and more power. There even was the Indian musical score that kept playing in my head. We are so much alike and it is one of the best parts of personality.

Allison found out:

I did not like the way they took it when they saw them in bed together that they had to say it is disgusting when they could have just kept it to themselves. It has always been so scary when someone you least expect to accept your love would find out.

When Tori cried:

It reminded me again back in my day when many of us cried when we lost someone so dear to us, someone in our lives that we love and meant so much such as Paulie. But I did not like the way she pretended things. But it hurt me too when she told Mouse that to hurt Paulie is like she is choking and she is not in the breathing world.

Ms Vaughn’s class:

MY FAVORITE LINE:

Paulie:

“Liar, liar, liar, liar! You’ve all got your heads up in your assholes because love is. It just is and nothing you can say can make it go away because it is the point of why we are here it is the highest point, and once you are up there, looking down on everyone else, you’re there forever. Because if you move right, you fall…you fall.”

To tell you honestly, it is my only best line there like there is no one else…there is nothing else. I was so much like Paulie when I remembered a day in my school when I was her age. I spoke of love in class just like she did.

MY FAVORITE SONG:

You’re not gonna believe this, but my sister’s and my favorite is the guitar song playing in the background in the scenes when mouse was looking around when she first came to the school, when she saw Paulie and Tori kissing and when Tori went out that made Paulie upset. (We’ve been dying to ask you, Stef, about the info of that song and what is its name because we are in love with how it sounds. It brings out meaningful side of love in us in serenity.)

Tori went out:

What is actually disgusting for me is when Tori went out with the quirky guy, Jake just to insist to herself she is straight that they even did something in the woods. But another painful moment that they had is when Paulie whispered Tori, baby, please then she held her and that was when Tori ended everything with Paulie. And they both did not sleep that night at all and Paulie just cried on the roof while Tori just thought about things.

Allison laughing behind Paulie’s back:

Allison was a representation of homophobic hypocrites. I dislike people like that because it is a definite ignorance which is why Mouse was hostile to her because Allison is not as smart as mouse.

Football practice:

It was a lot more disgusting about Tori when she talked about her sex life with her other friends and have Paulie and Mouse hear it. So it occurred to Paulie in their room that she thought things to herself in the mirror. Then she broke it and when Mouse came she did a blood compact with her to get her support which makes her lucky because Mouse is a real friend who listened to how Paulie spoke of who they really are when it comes to love more than just their physical identities.

In the library:

Im so impressed of how Paulie went all the trouble of embarrassment and prepared herself so much to not feel ashamed and dressed herself up so she can kneel down to Tori and cite the sonnet. In my life I never saw anyone who did that for the love of their life not even myself. It’s unbelievable for me how strong the love she so much felt that it inspired her to do such a thing. It was so sweet on her part.

Paulie’s rage:

Her fencing practice was a good idea for her sport so she can vent out all her anger from losing Tori to a guy that she even saw it out the window in her face.

Paulie tries again:

(According to Stef, it was the kiss of death) I agree. It felt so much like Paulie died inside when all she can do was cry.

Cafeteria:

I think when love grows so intense and you lose it, you would not know what is left to do because it was the world that turned its back on you after taking your love away from you. That is why Paulie had to burst…so when she faced Vaughn she spoke a strong line: “shall I abide in this dull world which in her absence is in no better than a sty?” it was like Paulie the raptor putting out her sword so Ms. Vaughn could not talk any further. Mouse felt it:

Mouse had so much went with the flow of changes with her friends. I think Paulie has somehow a reason to be happy to have a friend like her that stays by her side emotionally.

Macbeth:

Paulie did get involved with the piece and just denied it to rid herself of the shame from others noticing her problem but Vaughn did not do it right to get Paulie to speak and that was when Paulie had more ideas after hearing the line “take my milk for gall”. But when she went out to see her letter, she felt that love, itself, was trying to kill her for her mother did not actually want to see her.

Running into Vaughn:

Vaughn could have given more attention to help Paulie herself when she understood what Paulie was going through about. But Paulie wanted to stay strong that she sends the letter to Jake to challenge him. A fight for love is always something worth fighting for.

Parents’ day:

Strong from how she felt, building the emotional strength, she tried her best, one more time, to show the world how she loves Tori even to Tori’s dad. I think that is a big reason for Paulie to cry out loud running because all the emotional efforts that she tried to have were just wasted by Tori which would obviously leave Paulie frustrated and devastated.

Paulie’s last option:

She tried to have her friend Mouse with her to support her by teaching Mouse the truth and told her it’s time for the raptor that they fed it to bring them more power for the dark noon. So when the duel came, she faced herself. She fought the best war in her life and all is fair for her in love and war even she loses and even though Jake ended up falling and losing the fight, she never gave up. But Mouse came up to her and tried to stop her because she noticed things have fallen apart and out of the question and it never had to turn this way. And so did Paulie noticed that and realized her last choice to fight for love was not good at all then it left her nothing else but to end everything, even her own life… AN AMAZING VENUE:

Their room:

I was in awe to see in the making that their dorm room was just constructed. I was like, wow! What a job! It was a real architect’s job for me and how detailed they made it to make it look like it is so much like the character’s reflection of they really are.

The school:

When I look at the school, it felt great to see how it looks because it so much looks a lot like my school where I graduated from. And because it also like the school where we were also like the lost girls. Making this a setting is so touching for me because the movie tells reality from how everything around looks like to how the intense emotion feels. My school, when I was still going there, also had the same color on its walls and roofs. And the girls in my school would also dance around like the lost girls did in their gazebo. The kind of life I had with my friends when we were in the age of the lost girls are so much alike. Even with love.

Carla, September 25, 2006

Because it is the point of why we are here... - by Helena

Lost and Delirious was the first movie that made me cry. Ever. I usually don't cry because of films and if you had asked me before, I would have told you it is impossible that something on TV could impress me so much. After watching it, I really felt kind of depressed and emotionally charged.

If you want to understand the background of my reaction to Lost and Delirious, I have to explain to you what I've gone through the month before. It's been a pretty hard time for me and the movie brought all those terrible feelings back, I had wanted to bury deep down inside.

But let's start at the very beginning, so you can understand. At first everything was "normal". At school there was this girl, I wanted to know better. One day I just sat next to her and soon, before I realized anything, we were the closest friends you've ever seen. We saw each other every day and if we didn't met after school, we were hanging on the phone for hours.
I could tell her everything which was on my mind and so could she.

For about a year or two we spent our entire time together. It was wonderful. That's when it became different. After a lot of thinking and struggling with myself I became aware of the fact that I had a crush on her. No, that's not the right word. The first time in my life I felt love for someone. It wasn't like butterflies in the stomach, it was much more than that.

Well, I don't think I have to explain to you what it feels like, have I?

"Because it is the point of why we are here. It is the highest point and once you are up there, looking down at everyone else", you know. It seemed so right to me. Month later I took heart and told her about my feelings. I can tell you, it wasn't easy. Looking back I'm not able to say it was the right decision or it wasn't. Maybe it was a valuable experience.

From this day on everything changed. She seemed to be disgusted with me. She didn't hug me for hello no more, didn't talk to me at school, didn't even look at me. Without a word she broke up our friendship. I couldn't believe everything could change just because of my feelings.

So I tried to speak to her every time I saw her, I called her at home and on the mobile, wrote e-mails and letters, but she didn't answer one single sentence. All I got was "I don't know what to tell you".

That was hard to bear, but not as hard as the look she gave me when I came too close. Like she loathes me. Suddenly my head was full of questions like if there was anything wrong with me that I'm looked at with so much aversion. Was it warped that I loved her?

Then there was this one morning I remember best, when she quit sitting next to me at school. Everything seemed like it was the days before, she ignored me and I just sat down, wanting to make it through another one of those horrible days. She didn't look at me again, but then went away to the distant corner of the room, taking a seat next to somebody else, leaving me alone.
One hour later I decided to run away and went home, because this was too much to deal with. I was not able to stay there. Have you ever been fighting with tears for one hour? Sitting somewhere everyone can see you, but noone knows how you feel, trying not to cry? Years before, I had promised to myself that I would never ever cry in public, would avoid it and fight back those tears as long as possible.
Well, I did so, but when I returned home there was this picture of hers and that was too much for me ...

All in all I ran after her for about two month - this can be a very long time - before I realized what I was doing to me. Our friendship, if we had ever been true friends at all, didn't exist anymore. I wanted an illusion to be reality. She felt nothing, but I broke my heart by wanting her to love me. Maybe it would have been enough if she just had given me a call to set things right. She never did so.

Finally I told her either things would remain as they were, she mustn't talk to me again nor ever get the idea of building up a new friendship with me one day (who knows, maybe she would come to her senses), or this would be her last chance to turn around. She started to cry. I never expected this, I was the one who spent night after night crying and she never showed any feeling except for insensibility.

That moment I realized I didn't want her anymore. It was too late to turn around, things would never be the same. I let her cry. What else should I do? How could I ever be with somebody who hurt me so much? This was impossible. I asked her if she could comprehend this at least.
Another unanswered question. She didn't even explain why she was doing this to me.

In some kind of way I'm still waiting. I do not love her anymore, but something is always in the back of my mind, making me think about what happened at that time. But although we didn't talk again, I somehow got over it.

And then there was Lost and Delirious.

It must have been about half a year after this dark episode of my life when I found this tip on the internet, which promised L&D to be a great movie. Two o' clock in the mornings I got up and went downstairs to turn the TV on and see what it could offer. Nothing I've seen before compares to what I saw then. It was just amazing. The well told story brought everything back I had wanted to leave behind. I couldn't deny the similarities I saw between Paulie's story and mine.

Lost and Delirious is a very passionate film about love. Not about being gay or lesbian, as I expected, but about love in general.

It shows us that there's no black and white in love. It is Paulie and Tori in love with each other and neither of them are thinking of themselves as lesbians. Nevertheless this assessment doesn't make the situation less difficult. Lost and Delirious brings values like friendship, forthrightness, courage and trust to mind. The viewer is automatically reminded of his own life, you remember how important friendship is and that it could help us if we are unable to deal with difficult situations.

For that matter you can say Lost and Delirious is a film about love, yes. But furthermore it's a film about how society and its norms influence your life. Tori and Paulie were so totally in love with each other, but they broke up, because Tori wanted to come up to society's expectations. She wanted to suit to the dream her parents had for her and that's the essential tragedy.

Because of her wanting to fancy her parents, Paulie had to die. This is the point you should be thinking about. Lost and Delirious tells a very sad love story, but the reason of the drama behind is almost more important.

The movie leaves you thinking about your own values. What would YOU do? Will you stand up straight for things you believe in even if you are discriminated against or if it hurts people? Is love most important in live? How much does it matter what other people think?

Like the gardener guesses, it depended on how much they're paying you. He is right, that's for sure.

The opinion of the public in general isn't supposed to play an important role in your life.
Love is what matters, we all know it. If there's love, you have to fight for it. And even if you're having problems, never give it up, because "The course of true love never did run smooth".

- William Shakespeare (A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act I, Scene I)

Helena, June 19, 2005

I don't think words can express how wonderful L&D is - by Kristina

Today I came home early so I decided to watch Lost and Delirious again. I haven't watched it for a while (and by a while I mean... maybe a month and a half), and when I watched it again all the feelings I had for it before, that I've forgotten (because I try not too watch it TOO much) came back.

I have to say that as many good movies as there are, they are just light entertainment. They could be funny, or sad, or cute but L & D is more than entertainment. When you watch it, it's not like other movies which you just watch. With L & D you FEEL the movie.

A few days ago my friend came over and we watched "A Walk To Remember". I don't know if any of you guys have seen that movie, but it's a romance movie and even though it makes people cry, the movie, compared to L & D, is just "sad" and "cute" while L & D is TRAGIC and BEAUTIFUL. I think the difference is, with L & D and just about any romance movie, is that normal romance movies people like to watch and it makes them cry, but they LIKE when those movies make them cry.

L & D is beautiful to watch and everything, but when you watch it, it's not enjoyable to cry. L & D actually makes you HURT. It makes you feel pain for Paulie and Tori. Every scene evokes SUCH emotion. Personally, I can't watch it that much because it hurts me to watch it. Yes, it's THAT beautiful and THAT great of a movie.

What Paulie and Tori had was the deepest love I have ever seen. I think, these days, REAL love is VERY, VERY rare and even when most people think they are in love (example: how they gossip with their friends about being "so in love" with someone else), that's not love, that's infatuation, and it's full of boundaries. Paulie and Tori's love had no boundaries, no limits. It was true love and I don't think that these people KNOW what real love is, because they haven't seen L & D. Paulie and Tori shared an incredible bond, and whenever I watch
L & D it hurts me so much when I see what is going on because they will never find that kind of love again, and I just DON'T understand how Tori can just throw it all away like that. Paulie really should have, as she said, "fly away", because she was too good for that superficial world.

L & D is such a beautiful movie, and I don't think words can express how wonderful it is. I have never seen such a movie, I doubt I ever will. It is more than a film, more than entertainment and I just hope that if anyone in the world, ANY two people in the world find that kind of love that Paulie and Tori did, they just hold onto it, and not let go like Tori did, because that was the biggest mistake of her life. If there was ever a sequel, I know that she would just be completely empty the rest of her life, because no one made her feel like Paulie did. And nobody make Paulie feel like Tori did.

Kristina, March 17, 2005

My relation to Lost and Delirious - by Sophie

I first heard about "Lost and Delirious" a few months ago, when I wrote a letter to a friend. We share a lot of hobbies and have a nearly similar attitude, I'd almost like to say, it's the closest friendship I ever had, but let's come back to this later...

I first heard about "Lost and Delirious" a few months ago, when I wrote a letter to a friend. We share a lot of hobbies and have a nearly similar attitude, I'd almost like to say, it's the closest friendship I ever had, but let's come back to this later...

In this letter, I wrote about movies and scenes I have to cry about while watching them. Well, a few days later, she told me about the movies, she had to cry about while watching. Im not totally sure, which one those were, but of course, one of them was "Lost and Delirious" and the scene where Paulie jumps of the roof. She gave me a little description and I thought: "Hey, you like love-stories, you like well-told stories about girls, why not order this one at amazon?

Well, I read the reviews about it and I liked the movie before I saw just one picture. I knew, my parents wouldn't understand it and be quite "concerned", that their daughter is watching "lesbian movies". I know, L&D is just about love and soul connection, but parents often see the things in different ways, which made me decide to wait for watching it, till they went dancing on a Saturday-evening. When this day arrived, I couldn't wait to see them leaving the house, cause I was so curious, how this movie would be. Well, how could I know, that all those reviews didn't prepare me the way I thought? Normally I'm able to forget, what I've seen, if I want to, to continue work or something else, but this movie forced me to cry like never before and I could never forget, what I had seen. At the end, I cried like I'd never cried before and I'd cried a lot...

My parents came home 15 minutes, after the movie was over and you will agree that 15 minutes are little to get over it, especially when you see it for the first time. My mother came in, looked at me and said: "Has anyone messed you up? You've cried, have you?" I told her something, she was satisfied with. What were all those movies I'd cried about so often in comparison to "Lost and Delirious"? It seemed ridiculous to me, that I'd once cried about them, now that I'd seen the most sad, but also most beautiful movie in the world. Unfortunately I was forced to visit a birthday-party this evening and I wasn't able to take part in any conversation. I always said things like "yeah, uhm, well, ok..." and this state didn't really change several days.

A lot of people have some kind of connection to this movie, something, that happened to them which is similar to Paulie's, Tori's or Mouse's experiences, what makes it more difficult for them to watch this film again. Well I've got one too, probably not as obvious and hard to take as other peoples experiences, but it pains me a lot every day and it's quite difficult to handle with. As you've perhaps already noticed by my guestbook entries I feel a lot for my best friend. Watching L&D, I felt like drowning in my sorrow, all those emotions, I tried to forget and push away came back to me, it was terrible on the one hand, but on the other hand it showed me, that other people think about those problems of love and identity, too, that gave me some kind of hope. I thought about it for a long time, one whole year actually, but since a few months I'm totally sure, I love her. She is the only one who ever understood me, that's my connection to Paulie, I'm kind of lost, cause I'm in love, but it's an impossible love and I've to handle with those feelings. But the big difference between me and Paulie is, that Paulie is brave and tries everything to get Tori back, no matter what that means for her reputation. I'm not that brave and strong, I haven't even told my friend about my feelings, cause I'm shy on the one hand, (that's probably my relation to Mouse) and we often sit together for hours, neither one of us talks, and on the other hand I'm afraid of her reaction, maybe she is laughing at me or is confused and distances from me. I do not want to destroy this close friendship!

It would kill me, if she'd distance from me, cause I need her so much and it took us such a long time to built this close friendship, in which we totally trust each other, are my feelings worth it, to take the risk to lose her by telling her everything? I'm not sure. I tried to handle with them by distancing and forgetting her, but we see each other every day. I don't know, probably my fear is my connection to Tori. I'm not sure, if you feel like you are soul mates and stuff, doesn't this lead to love in course of time? Isn't it a cruel joke of destiny that it is especially her, who told me about "Lost and Delirious" We will not see each other after the summer for a long time, I'll be quiet far away from home. I swore to myself, that I'll tell her everything in a final letter, there's an ocean between us then, so what have I got to lose? Maybe we won't see each other again, but it's important for me to tell her about my feelings once, although it will change nothing at all, she's the one for me and I want her to
know it.

To come back to "Lost and Delirious", I'd like to say, that I'm happy, you've created this amazing site about the movie. I visit it as often as I can, sometimes 4 times a day and I especially like the wallpapers and the other pictures. "Lost and Delirious" is the most beautiful but also the most sad movie, I've ever seen and for that reason, I was unfortunately not able to watch it more than 3 times, but I'm sure, I will watch it again several times, when I feel able to do, I love it, although it depresses me a lot.

Keep on updating this site, it's amazing!

Rage more!

Sophie, March 2, 2005

Lost and delirious moved me like no other film - by Lisabet

Do you often go to see a movie, get lost in it, say “Yeah, it was pretty darn good!” – and then stop thinking of it? I often do. I rarely remember films in much detail, even though I was touched by them. Well, now you visit the web site of a different kind of movie. Lost and delirious moved me like no other film ever has. The first time I saw it, I thought of it for days and weeks afterwards. Where I am from they often broadcast good movies on the public service channels, but I thought this one would be… well…good. Instead it opened my eyes for feelings unbelievably strong, in a “punch in the stomach” kind of way.

Even when I was very young I thought real love, crazily strong love, only existed in books. My parents were a good example of a dull marriage without respect, and I could not find any other examples of affectionate relationships, except the ones my peers where engaged in during the school years. Even then, they all seemed to be together just to make everyone know they could get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Just to be normal and well-adjusted.

Now, a few years later, I have grown to understand and see warm and true relationships, where people are adult about their feelings. (Oh, yes - you can be that at 16 also, I just didn’t see it happen.) All of a sudden I saw these people and couples everywhere. I became one of them too! My early teenage books’ stories about crazily strong love were just like the many films I have seen; buried deep in me somewhere. Maybe they affected my life without me knowing it, but I didn’t think of them. Not until I sat down, unexpecting and unprepared, to see Lost and Delirious. Fortunately it was a video tape, so I could watch it again. And again.

I love this movie. And I hate it! I love it because it actually made me see the crazily strong, truly deep love I never before thought was real. It taught me that these feelings are very much alive, and the lesson was so much clearer because of the turnaround the movie makes. I moaned out loud with an aching stomach at Tory’s cowardliness. I hated it. It struck me like lightening when I realised this love might not ever be for me, so I hated it even more! The feeling remained in my stomach like a tumour for, what it seemed, ages. I even thought very, very dark thoughts, but then I started analysing it with more nuances. Eventually it went from black & white to a broad grey scale - and further on to all the colours of the world! I discovered I could let myself love, love like crazy. A true rainbow…

A film that makes a person feel, long, love and hate as much as I did deserves nothing less than: “absolutely splendid, and pretty breathtakingly excellent”.

Lisabet, December 14, 2004

Lost and Delirious - I sat at the back and cried. - by Revidescent

I discovered Lost and Delirious when it first came out in Canada in 2001. I saw a preview for it on Star TV and was immediately interested in seeing it. When it hit the theatres, I went by myself to a small cinema in my home town that shows independent movies. I sat at the back and cried.

Basically, L&D was somewhat of a saviour for me. It was my outlet for what was going on in my own life, which held many parallels to Paulie's journey. I needed something to relate to, and I found it in L&D. At the time the movie came out in theatres, I felt very alone and I guess you could say a little lost and delirious myself. At the time the movie came out, my girlfriend (also my first love) was dating a guy while simultaneously continuing her secret relationship with me. She showed herself as one person to friends and family, while continually reassuring me that we were destined to be together - but that of course remained an unknown to everyone around us.

I am now 24 years old. My girlfriend and I were room mates in our first year of university - we were 19 years old. We became best friends and formed an intensely close relationship. We completely understood each other and formed a deeply emotional connection, as friends and eventually as lovers.

I had never been interested in girls before. She eventually initiated a kiss, and although I was uncomfortable, I went through with it. A kiss became more and although I didn't quite understand what was happening, no one had ever shown me such affection and I cared about her so much that I just kind of let it happen.

One day, she showed me a stack of love letters she had written to me. She said she had fallen in love with me. I was faced with the choice of being with her, or just being her friend. I have always been closed off and afraid to let anyone in, so I thought...if this is love, I shouldn't pass it up - I should stop being so scared. So I let myself continue the relationship, and I indeed fell in love.

Everything was behind closed doors. We hid everything from our friends, our family... everyone... for about two years. We were so happy with each other, and even though it was hard to live a life where you can't share your happiness with the people you care about, it was worth it to be together.

One early morning, one of our mutual friends knocked on my bedroom window, which was in the basement. My girlfriend and I both jumped up, scared...she hid and I went outside to meet our friend. Later, that friend confronted my girlfriend about why we had been sleeping in the same bed. My girlfriend said I was upset about something and needed to talk, so she comforted me and we both fell asleep.

The friend broke into my girlfriend's e-mail account and found a personal letter I had sent my girlfriend. She again confronted my girlfriend, who admitted to our that we had kissed a few times when we were drunk, but that was it. It was drunken experimentation. The friend eventually apologized to my girlfriend for her intrusiveness, but she never apologized to me. I think she thought I initiated it all, and I was the confused one.

My girlfriend became paranoid and started distancing herself from me. She became depressed, and I comforted her. She told me how much she loved me, and that she knew we were destined to be together, she told me she knew it deep down in her soul. We were soul mates.

I believed her, and I believed in her.

She started dating a guy, "just to make sure of what she really wanted." She said it was a "temporary" break and that she knew we would be together in the end. I was upset, but I let her do it and tried to give her space.

Our mutual friends encouraged her and were happy for her. Nobody knew what was really going on. I had to try and pretend to be happy for her too, but really it killed me to see them together in public.. flirting, touching, kissing, etc.

When it came to private time between the two of them, she told me she often pushed him away. And then she would call me, and we would be together. He had no idea and I kept falling for it.

About four months into her "relationship" with the guy, I began to lose it. It hurt so much to see them together, I would have to leave social situations because I couldn't stand it. I couldn't be around my friends and I couldn't go home and cry because my friends and family would wonder why I was so sad, and I couldn't explain it to them. So I would wander the streets late at night, not caring what happened to me. I would cry until my eyes dried out.

I got angry with her. She continued the "relationship", even though I finally asked her to stop it. She told me she loved me, but couldn't be with me "right now." I got mad, I got crazy, I started hurting myself and I became destructive to both my girlfriend and myself. I sank into a deep depression. My grades dropped, I quit playing sports, I couldn't be around my friends and I spent most of my time in my room. I couldn't even face people. I would start shaking, or crying. I just fell apart.

I lived with my girlfriend while she stayed up talking to her boyfriend on the phone, long distance, in the next room. I put up with it when she came into my room drunk, and wanted to kiss and caress me out of nowhere. I watched her pretend to be something she's not.

Eventually, she dumped him (8 months later), but she didn't come back to me. Things had gone on a downward spiral fast after I reacted so badly to what she was doing. I ended up telling my Mom, who is uneasy about it and doesn't get it. I told a couple of gay friends, who are more acquaintances than friends... they think I should come out of the closet and just face the fact that I'm gay... even though I know I am not gay, or even necessarily bi. The friends I could tell and the friends who know, aren't really friends at all. But I needed to tell someone, I needed to get it out of me. But I don't think they really care about how I feel.

I am just a girl who fell in love with a girl.

A few people know about what happened between my girlfriend and I, but I think most people believe she could do no wrong. She's a friendly party girl who is outwardly kind to everyone, she is magnetic and everyone is initially attracted to her. That's just the way she is. My anger and frustration shows on the outside, while she hides her feelings. So I came across as the crazy and confused one. I came across as the nutty one, and I hate that nobody will ever know or understand what really happened. I hate that they all love her and can't see underneath the surface.

So five years after the start of all this, I have had two boyfriends. I am on the second boyfriend and I am extremely happy, despite what the above story might imply.
The first guy I was with for about a year and a half (he helped me get through the struggle, but it didn't work out in the end). I have been with my new boyfriend for about two months. I think I might be falling in love with this guy.

She has finally worked up the courage to start opening herself up to friends and family. I am forced to interact with her, because we have many mutual friends, but I still hold some anger and I will never trust her again.

She has a girlfriend. They have been together for about 8 months. They are affectionate in public, people know they are together. Not everyone knows, but she is less afraid than she once was. I am happy that she is becoming more comfortable with her own sexual orientation, but it frustrates me that there are a select few people who might think I am still the confused one. It frustrates me that she always had to hide me and lie to me, and now she can show off her new girlfriend.

I have no desire to be with her any more, and quite frankly I think about… or at least block out...what happened less and less. As time goes on, the pain has gone away. I don't really think about it often at all any more, but when I do, I remember the pain...

Thinking about what happened... .thinking about the way I hated myself and the way I hated life.... it will still make me cry at the drop of the hat. I carry around this story, with no one to really to tell it to. Who will believe that this happened without thinking I must be gay or bisexual? Who will believe that I just sort of fell into all of this?

It was her struggle for self-acceptance, it was her journey of coming out of the closet - not mine. But I am stuck wondering if there is something wrong with me.

I feel like I am walking around with this big hole in the pit of my stomach. I don't know where to draw the line with honesty. I feel like nobody will ever understand my story.... I feel like I can't fully explain it. I have this deep, dark spot inside me that has made me stop believing fully in people, and stop trusting people. I am over her, but I am not over the darkness. Although I am happy now, there is something under the surface that will continue to haunt me underneath everything.

Anyway, L&D helped me get through one of the most difficult periods in my life. That was the point I wanted to make.

Revidescent, September 15, 2004

Lost and Delirious - ...remember that always! - by Alicia

The first time I've seen Lost and Delirious, I was in Washington visiting my girlfriend I asked my girl, what happened to Paulie at the end and she told me she kills herself and I was like wow...

When I met my girl a year ago via the internet, we had been talking for some months. I completely fell in love with her. I just thought the world of her. I was 17 at that time and she was 18 about to be 19. I went to go and see her that same year and I fell in love with her even more. After a month or so, we start having problems. I found out, she lied to me about her life and so much more, that I don't even want to remember it all.

I found out, when I met her, that she was deaf. I accepted her because I already loved her for who she was and on top of that she was a white girl. So sex, race her being deaf none of that did matter to me. She never loved herself, she never had any friends not even a girlfriend.

I tried being in her life to prove to her, that I love her and always was going to be there for her. I had to come back to California, because I had to finish school. So we communicated via the internet. Everything was going great, until she started acting weird, because of lying about a lot of things. After all, I still stayed with her, because I thought she loved me and I knew I loved her. I've always been a happy, cheery and goofy girl with a good, close relationship with my mom. Anna never had any of those things. I'm the life of a party, I'm sweet and always like to make people happy. When I got involved with Anna, my life changed.

I started thinking thoughts in my head, like if I didn't have her, I'll die because she always used to say that to me all the time. She had a bad influence on me, she was somebody that I didn't need in my life. My friends, my mom, nobody did like her and I didn't understand why. It was my first time being in love, so of course I couldn't see the things they saw in her. The story continues. I let my girl come and stay with me, because I wanted to help her with school and help her to get on her feet. She stayed with me for about 3 months, then she had to go back to Washington.

When she got back there, she start acting like a completely different person. She didn't care about my feelings, nothing I was going through. All she cared about, was herself. This person wasn't the Anna I fell in love with and I was going through so many problems, that I decided to take some painkillers and rush into the secret house. Remember I never was like this, until I met her.

I didn't want to die, I wanted to be remembered and get somewhere in my life, but everything she used to say to me, wasn't making sense anymore. She used to write me all the time, then she stopped writing and it just went on.. She was supposed to move here with me, but all of a sudden, telling me, she decided to stay where she is and finish school. .It hurt me really bad, because a person like her who never had anybody and finally did - she was just stabbing them in the back and not even have any remorse at all.

So I started coming to my senses and after a year and four months it took me a while to found out, what everybody saw in her, but I did not. Anna never loved herself, so how could she have loved me? So I start realizing that she was pushing me away. I wanted to come and see her, but she made up an excuse, saying she had plans. I would write and call her all the time. I wasn't happy anymore at all. I was always depressed, never wanted to do anything. It was, because she was making me this way. I knew I had to do something about it. She never broke up with me, but I had to walk away because that kind of relationship I was not healthy at all. When she told me she was going to stay in Washington, I knew she didn't care about me, because when I asked her about us, she told me she doesn't know. I was supposed to be the first person on her mind, but she never made that decision. When you love somebody, you don't treat them like my ex treated me.

You don't keep secrets and lie to them. After that day I talked to her, as I haven't talked to her since I made the decision to walk away. I deserve better and I can get better. Anna wasn't the right person for me.

I hope one day she will love herself, but I don't think, she ever will It was wrong, how I got treated in the end, even tho I wasn't perfect in the relationship either. I still didn't deserve what I got, but she's always needed somebody in her life to be there and she had it for once but didn't know how to treat it. So I'm back to me again and I'm happy therefore.

I think, the situation with Paulie and Tori could have been handled better in real life. Paulie could have found somebody to love her, but she didn't she needed Tori to make her happy. You have to make yourself happy, not somebody else. Tori was so very much in love with Paulie. Just fact of the matter is, she couldn't be with her because of her parents.

I didn't think she loved Jake at all, she was just with him to make people think, she wasn't a lesbian and maybe furthermore to forget about Paulie. Tori was hurting Paulie in my opinion a lot, because she was doing things and denying the fact, who she was deep down inside. She was madly in love with another girl, but if the society knew about it people would have treated her differently.

I think that's something, she just couldn't deal with - like for example, when her sister said: "Tori thats disgusting!" A lot of people think of being gay, lesbian or bisexual is disgusting but truthfully it's not. It's being, who you are, it isn't any right or wrong when it comes to love. That's what I learned, when I watched "Lost and Delirious" and was also in a relationship with another woman..

I used to deny my sexuality all the time, but I don't do it anymore. I know, that I'm bisexual and I admit that now to everybody. Even when I was with my girl, I used to do it. I needed to find myself and I did.. Only reason I would deny it, because I'm kind of like Tori, my mom knows but I don't have the heart to tell my dad. I'm his only child and he is so against that, so if I tell him he would freak out. I don't know, if I ever will tell him. I don't think so, but I don't hide it from the rest of the world. I've realized from this experience, that if I ever fall in love again, nobody is ever bringing me down like that again.

No person should do that, if they claim, that they love you. I'm to strong for that. When a person loves you, they show it actions always speak louder than words and whether you are in love with somebody of the same sex or opposite sex, don't push them away, because you never know if you will get that love again.

True love is so hard to come by, so when you have it treat it right. "Lost and Delirious" is one of the movies, I can watch over and over again, because it's so touching and heart-warming. It is one of those movies, you just never really get tired of. I'm a huge Piper Perabo fan and her acting just amazes me, especially in this movie, she really shows emotion and she really brought the character Paulie alive.. I've only seen it three times, but when I did watch it those times I always cried.

So everybody who is reading this and hasn't seen Lost and Delirious by now, please watch it, you won't regret.

You can write a review on it, you'll love it as much as I did. If you're in a relationship and you're not happy, even tho it hurts you to let the one you love go, sometimes you have to. Nevertheless do not deny who you are and be happy with yourself. ..remember that always!

Alicia, September 6, 2004

Lost and Delirious - The perfect movie - by Karen

I'm freshmen on college and a few months ago the Sociology professor told my classmates and me to choose a movie, watch it and write an essay about it. He suggested "Matrix" and "Patch Adams", but I knew who would choose the perfect movie for me to write about --- my fiancé is a movie-lover and has a huge collection of VHS and DVD's.

I told him to pick up a movie and bring it home when he came to visit me -- we have a long-distance-relationship. When he arrived at my place on weekend, he told me to watch the movie very carefully.

We watched it and, in the end, I was in tears. I've never seen "Lost and Delirious" before but the movie talked very delicately about the female homosexuality.

The three leading ladies - Piper Perabo, Jessica Paré and Mischa Barton - were perfect. I started watching this movie very sceptically but in the end I was cheering for Paulie and Tory to end up together. Piper Perabo and Jessica Paré really made me believe they were crazy in love with each other. Piper was perfect as the wild girl who lost the only person who she loved and who loved her back. Jessica was brilliant as the girl who was in love but, thanks to the society, couldn't live this love.

It was Mischa Barton, however, who impressed me dearly. I knew she could cry -- I watch 'The O.C.' faithfully -- but I had no idea she could express such sadness with one look. When Paulie kills herself and the cameras show Tory, Mary and their colleagues, I wept when I saw Mischa's face.

Karen, August 17, 2004

Lost and Delirious - It's all about the beauty of the soul - by Lara

Not long ago, I did not knew at all, that such an amazing beautiful love story does exist at all.

Currently I myself am in a similar situation like Paulie, and the person who takes Tori's part told me about "Lost and Delirious" first.

"Lost and Delirious" tells us more about feelings, than any other movie ever was made, does and never ever a director will succeed to make a movie about such deep and honest feelings like Léa Pool did again.

The feelings of Paulie are extreme hard to handle. To love somebody that passionately without being loved in return can take all your power away. Paulie had no one except of Tori and even Tori she lost. Even if I would have a lot of best friends, my situation would be difficult. I can understand, that Paulie committed suicide. If I would not have gotten support and love by my friends, who knows what might have happened. In that difficult time I hurt myself, which was of course nothing good for, but even today I think back about it often. There were times, I could not sleep at night or had horrible nightmares.

Really everything reminds me of her, even if it's only roses.

In such situations you have to rule off everything and realize, that from the person you love there never ever will come something back.

There was a time, where I thought I would not be able to live without her ("I think I'll die without her!") and even today, I don't know if I ever will find a human again, who I will love so dearly as I love her. On the other side it hurts so much, because of all the arguments in the past as she felt pressed too hard by me. Probably she has forgotten, I did tell her, I will not ask for anything except her understanding, because it's written already in the bible: "love cannot be asked for".

"There is a time, when you realize, things do not work. There is nothing to talk about anymore, and if it's only raining, it's better to give up."

A good friend of mine (he actually is an actor/ comedian and well known in Great Britain) once said to me:

"I don't believe heterosexuality exists. And that goes for homosexuality, too. I believe we are all made, basically, to find both sexes attractive. You see, it's all about attraction. When it comes to love, the sex of a person doesn't matter at all. It's all about the beauty of the soul."

Lara, August 12, 2004

Lost and Delirious - In some way, I carry Paulie with me - by Marija

My name is Marija, I am currently 22 and from Serbia...and I adore "Lost and Delirious" (L&D).

It's more than a movie...
It's more than just a great story about love...
It's more than acting...

Well, when I've watched L&D for my first time, i didn't watch it from the beginning and I wasn't able to FEEL it, to understand it, at least at first. But I cried at the end, for sure.

I can say, that L&D that time made already an impression on me, even though I haven't seen it all from the start. After a while L&D was shown again on our national TV. This time, I saw whole movie and at the end of the movie.

I haven't just cried, I was all in tears, in some other world of sadness and sorrow. I was completely lost in my mind, and delirious in my feelings. I wasn't thinking about all that thing the movie is about at once, but after a while, maybe 2 or 3 weeks after that day (when I watched it), I got a depression, a real one... I was suffering for Paulie so much.

I've decided to get video of L&D as soon as possible and I found myself addicted on L&D, even before my mind could reacted on it. My heart was all in it. Believe or not, I've been watching L&D every night, and every night it was the same:

I was crying, crying, crying with no regular reason. It was just pure suffer for Paulie.

But I have to say this :

I didn't have the same experience as she had.
I haven't find myself in her destiny.
but I did find something SPECIAL in HER.
I saw a human, that is SO PERFECT looking through my eyes and my heart and that human is Pauile.

I still can't believe it, that somebody could "create" (imagine...) someone like Paulie, she is from my head, from my mind...(not her gender is important, but the essence in her). She is brave, intelligent, original, creative, anxious, concerned, free spirit, filled with Love (that crosses all the bounders), she is a friend, a human, free to say what she feels or wants or means with no fear...but on the other side:

she is so sensitive,
she is unique,
she is special,
she is....

I can't find the words, really I can't say everything I want...

Let talk about L&D like a real story from the life: Paulie is dead!

Dear Paulie, you had uproot me! You are my ideal, and I didn't know for the definition of it, till I saw You...You are...definitely! At the end of the movie, you fall down, you fly away, into your freedom,

"rush into the secret house"

far, far away with your raptor....

And me, I have to stay here, in this world that is full of hypocrites, liars, people who don't feel LOVE, who don't love...who don't care for the truth, who don't fight for it as you did, Paulie. You showed to the world, what LOVE is....the only thing that is worth of fight! The only thing that you HAVE TO FIGHT FOR , and die for is LOVE, REAL LOVE!

MS. VAUGHN:
"You see what this is all about is love! Mad, passionate love, that crosses all boundaries... "

Paulie, her words, moves, decisions, reactions, acts. Everything she is, she was... it is something that HAS TO SHOW US ALL, what is Love, real Love. There is not many people in this World like Paulie...

People can say that she was weak, but I think that she was a strong, honest, brave and resolute person. If LOVE is weakness, only then she is weak.

She gave all from herself to get back her love but unfortunately, her love did not deserve her, I think. This is so incredible sad...too sad indeed!

Did she wanted too much?

Here are some quotes that I like most:

When she's old, I will carry her around on my back.

I'm going to plant 3000 trees a day´ and get a golden shovel for you.

Shall I abide in this DULL world which in THY absence is no better than a sty?' Sty? I like that... And then later she says: "The crown o'
the earth doth melt. And there is nothing left remarkable beneath the visiting moon.'. Nothing. I know that...

Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! You hold your heads up in your assholes because LOVE IS! It just IS!!! And nothing you can say can make it go away! Because it is the point of why we are here. It is the highest point and once you are up there, looking down at everyone else, you're there forever. If you move, right? You fall...you fall...

I will make me a willow cabin at your gate and call upon my soul within the house. I will write loyal cantons of condemned love and sing them loud even in the dead of night... I will howl your name to the reverberate hills and make babbling gossip of the air cry out, Victoria!

I think I'll die without her...

I will make me a willow cabin at your gate, and call upon my soul within the house...I rush into the secret house

Now, while I write this, I'm in tears again. It's all coming back to me. How many of us - people in the world, can and will feel the purity of her heart, the power and strength of her love, feelings, virtuosity of her intellect, freedom of her spirit - that she had when she LOVED and was LOVED, and when she lost it, the only way she could get it back, was to set her free....to fly away, far, far away...'cause, her LOVE (Tory) was to weak to let it be, after all she had done for her...

L&D is GREAT MOVIE, it has a serious story, with important meanings, special music, at the background, THE BEST ACTRESS ever - Piper Perabo, who did 'her job' more than perfect - she succeeds to express all feeling that were in Paulie, by every move on her face, of her body, too. She gave to the movie special note, and without her, L&D wouldn't be that special. I think, that LEA POOL has great influence, too. I would be happy if more people would be interested in L&D, or movies with similar conclusions, that are about LOVE, but not the ones with ordinary stories.

L&D is really unique, and through few directions, it says what it is meaning:

- relationship between mothers and daughters
- LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
- weaknesses / strengths
- real values in life
- fight for LOVE, for something that is IMPORTANT to you
- be honest with yourself, and with others

I like the parts when Paulie runs into the woods (to feed the raptor) at night. She is such an energetic person, and a caring one too. I like the way that some things are presented in L&D, like characters, details, ideas (raptor, fencing classes, literature classes...dialogs...)...etc.

This movie, whenever I watch it - and I do that often - always puts me in some particular state, but I have that feeling that L&D makes me "COME BACK TO MYSELF", come back to my real values, make me don't give up of my aims to fight for my LOVE, for the ones I love...

I think that I carry it with me, as I can say it, in some way, carry Paulie with me, in my heart... she lives there somehow, in a strange way. I can't explain that but I love her.

I would like to say to all the people who worked on this GREAT movie, "THANKS SOOOO MUCH !!!" They really made a great thing, that they can share with people all over the world and send their message about LOVE. REAL LOVE.

And what said MS. VAUGHN: "You see what this is all about is love! Mad, passionate love, that crosses all boundaries... "

Marija, July 4, 2004

Lost and Delirious - A Little of Me... - by Joanna

This movie has been released 3 years ago, and at that time, I was not really interested to see it. I had no idea about the story and the cover on the VHS or the DVD was not attractive to me. But, this last month they presented it on TV and when I saw the trailers I was thinking, "Oh, that's what this movie is about…" so I was curious to take a look!

First of all, I have to say that I have a secret relationship with my roommate since the end of 2001 and we are still together. So, I was watching the movie, and she was studying, but time to time she came in my bedroom to catch few minutes of it. I was explaining to her the sequences that she had missed, and then there was the scene on TV when Tory says to Paulie that their relation as lovers will never ever forever be… and I looked my roommate and she was crying really hard. She didn't want to tell me why she was crying like that, and we both continue to watch the movie until the end. We were really touched and completely stun by the movie.

Later in the evening, she finally told me that she was crying in that scene, because she was scared to loose me. I love her a lot, but I had never been totally comfortable in this relationship, because I am more like Tory, I don't want to spoil what my parents are wishing for me, and I care a lot about what people think. But, she is most like Paulie (and she physically looks like her too - am I not really lucky?). She doesn't care about what people think, she's saying that everyone who can't tolerate that, or deny that kind of love, that's because they never fell in love. I agree with what she is thinking, but I just can't do it… and because of that we are still hiding, and she's afraid that one day I might walk out like Tory to find myself a boyfriend and to felt the safety of being "normal" like the majority. Even if the movie is showing that love have no boundaries, that LOVE IS, that's all, I should follow this lesson and feel free to shout out loud my loving affair, but it is so hard…

Anyway, this is one of the best movie I ever seen, and before that, I had never notice if the actors was giving a good performance or not. But now the fine acting of Piper Perabo (the other two main characters were also really great) with all the intense emotions that she bring us through, the great performance that she gave us is now my point of comparison when I'm watching a movie : "Yeah, this actor was good, but never as good as Piper in Lost and Delirious!" I just can't believe that she didn't feel it for real, her acting was so good, awesome!

This movie stayed into our mind for a lot of time after that we first saw it, so much that we were looking in every video-club to rent it and watch it again, but finally we decided to get our own, and since then we have watched it very often (but most of the time we are just watching the happy part, just before the break up thing, because it's too sad!) and we also looked intensely on the internet to get as many information as possible on Piper Perabo and the movie itself. That explain why I found this site, and why I'm sharing this with you guys… it's more reassuring to know that I'm not the only one to be "obsessed" by this movie!

Joanna, May 31, 2004 - A new fan!

Lost inside Lost and Delirious - by Nikki

Lost and Delirious is one of those movies that you catch late at night and curiously watch. Then, if you see the beauty inside it, you're captivated. I actually passed over it a few times on HBO, but when nothing else was on, I watched and became amazed. What really drew me in, like others, was that my current relationship mirrored Paulie and Tori's - and of course, I'm Paulie.

I became wrapped up in how this relationship was exactly like mine. I think I became obsessed with it, actually. I looked up everything I could find online about the movie, designed my livejournal around a few pictures of Paulie and Tori. I watched it whenever I could and eventually bought the DVD and watched it even more. I don't watch it as much as I used to, but I still am in love with this movie the same as when I first saw it.

What makes it special from other movies is that it is purely about love. It's not about sexual identity [like many people take it] because love doesn't work that way - it's not exclusively based on sexuality. It transcends that, and that's the message in this movie - it's about love, not about homosexuality. Love works on different rules than society does. You can either be the epitome of love or of society. Paulie chose to embody love while Tori caved and chose society.

People often say Tori didn't love Jake, but I think in a much simpler way, Tori did love Jake. Jake was Tori's male counterpart in every way. Jake was popular and friendly, just like Tori. He went to a nearby boys' private school and she a private girls' school. They had very much in common, and in society's eyes, were a perfect couple. I believe Tori suffered just as much as Paulie. Tori loved Paulie just as much as Paulie loved her. But Paulie and Tori are two different people. People express love and pain in different ways. Tori had a family while Paulie didn't. Tori has people to lose and Paulie had nothing but Tori to lose, which made her even more desperate to grasp back onto Paulie.

Tori had to hide her pain and her love and Paulie openly expressed both. Paulie was a free raptor, while Tori was a caged one.

I remember my search for everything Lost and Delirious. I remember knowing that this movie made such a huge impact on my life, because I could relate to it perfectly. On the downside, I also remember the frustration of not finding everything I'd like to find.

Before this site was created, it was difficult to find exactly what I wanted to know: which was everything I could get my grubby paws on. I didn't care what I would find: pictures, actor info, wallpapers, just a place where everyone who liked this movie could talk about it in-depth and exchange perspectives. I wanted to know other people who loved and enjoyed this movie as much as I did, and people who saw past the "ooh lesbians schoolgirls!" ideology.

While I figured out just about everything I wanted to know before this site was constructed, this site is perfect for the almost-fan to know all they'd like to. You guys have everything superficial like pictures, wallpapers, scripts, and FAQ to heartier character analysis, interviews and a messageboard that talk about meanings, thoughts, emotions...

While I'm not exactly wild about the cosmetics of the site, the content is perfect and no other site can really compete to it. Job well done.

Nikki, May 3, 2004

Lost and Delirious, My Past and My Future - by Nio

I remember when I watched the movie, it was on the month of February/03, and 3 month before that, I broke up with my girlfriend. I almost killed myself because of that, cause she was my everything, and we've been talking about our future, how are we going to live together, and spend the rest of our life together. Then she had problems with her parents because of me (they almost find out about us), but she stood by me, and still love me. We shared the most amazing love, and my love for her was going stronger everyday. But shits happen, she met a guy and fell for him, and dumped me after that. Life felt so useless at that time, and I kept thinking about ending it.

So, for 3 month, I didn't see her, or call her, and all I wanted to do was to shut my world from everything. I cried every time I remembered about her, when I was working, lying in bed, eating, I mean she was the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing on my mind before I go to bed, I used to cry before going to bed, thinking why is she doing this to me, after all we've been through, then I started making my mind busy, and that is by watching movies. So I kept looking for movies, and I came across to Lost and Delirious, I was like (Ah, better then nothing, I needed something to make my mind busy, so I just rented it. But it took me about 2 days to watch it, cause I was not too interested to it, and I didn't even read the reviews. So when I didn't have any movie to watch, then I decided to watch Lost and Delirious. I was alone when I watched the movie. Then when I saw Paulie and Tori kissing, I was like (What is this movie?) then I got drown to the emotion, every scene reminded me of my love life with my ex, like the kissing scene, love scene, everything. I felt like watching my own life. I could feel my heart torn apart when Tori dumped Paulie I could even hear the sound of Paulie's heart cracking, I could feel my face burning of anger when I saw Tori having sex with Jake. And I totally felt how Paulie was feeling, the hurt, the pain, the sadness, the passion I was her! and she was me! And I think the way she thinks, I mean I've tried to win my love back, and it's not working, so all I was thinking was killing myself, cause I couldn't live my life without her. Then, when I saw the ending, I said to myself, this movie is totally about me, but Paulie wasted her life by killing heself, that's just gave me the wake up call, I said to myself I'm going to move on, even though it's hard, but I have to try and keep trying. And I feel like God is talking to me, by showing this movie to me, and telling me that everything is gonna be alright from now on. So it came to an end that everything is just not for me, and I couldn't let myself get hurt by my ex. So I decided to pull myself together, forget about her, and move on. It was so hard, but when I think about the movie again, it gives me the strength. I love my ex and I would never forget her, cause she was my first and she has showed me what is Love, how to love, how to accept love, how to give love in return, I mean without her, I would never felt what love is never know what love is, and I thank her for that, to me, we are not human if we never felt love and being hurt by love, so at last, I'm human. When I was really feeling very down, I entered myself to a yahoo group, and they help me a lot to heal my broken heart, I was full of doubt and feeling like I will never love again, but they give me the confidence to love again, I owe a lot to some of them.

The greatest thing about the group is that I found my (Tori, she is Ant, I never know that she would be the one, and all this while she was standing right in front of me, I'm glad I'm not blind to realize that she is the one. Once I thought I could never love again, but she changed everything, she showed me what love really means, she showed me love without any boundaries, She loves me as I am, sees me as I am, accepts me as I am, the most important thing, she makes me feel alive again and be loved again.When I saw the movie for the second time I could understand more, and I don't want to waste my love anymore, and I feel that I´m so bless by God, for sending me the love of my life, she is the other part of me that I thought once was missing.. I've learn something, being in love is a wonderful thing, and when the person that you are in love with, loved you in return, then you'll be a complete human and I know, if Tori loves Paulie in return, Paulie would be a complete human being, cause love is the only thing that makes you human, and differ you from other God's creation. In this world full of fake people, love is the only thing that can keeps you alive. Love is the only thing that is not fake, nor illusion. You can't define love, cause love is.. The movie changed me a lot, it gave me a different sight of love & live. So to me Lost and Delirious is my Past, and my Future..

My Favorite Scene
Hum..this is hard cause every scene has their place in my heart..but I would choose the last scene where Paulie ends up taking the jump, and the Raptor flies away..this scene touches me so much..especially when the Raptor flies away, and you could see the people from the Raptor's sight.. To me, I was the Raptor, not Paulie who took the jump, I was once hurt like the Raptor, took time to heal, when I'm totally heal it's time for me to leave my nest and fly away, forget my past and move on, and see the world with a different kind of view.

Nio, October 9, 2003

Lost and Delirious…Amazingly Beautiful! - by Ant

Oh, it was Saturday afternoon and I had nothing to do, so I was lazying around. Finally I landed helplessly on my comfy sofa and switched on the TV. I wondered if there could be anything interesting at that time of the day… But…

There it was, a brand new movie for me, I have never heard of it before. The title sounded attractive because I was often lost and sometimes delirious too. However till then, I wasn't as lost as I am today. This movie changed my life….Forever.

Hey, this doesn't mean that my life changed in a negative way, but I have to say that it influenced me in a lot of different ways.

I mean, I never lived my own life and I wonder if I will. I have this planned life that my parents made for me. I cannot do whatever I feel to do, am not free. They say that it's for my best but eventually this life is choking me…..Just like Tory!

I am so like Tory but at the same time I want to be like Paulie. No one can ever understand what I mean if s/he is not in a similar situation. However I know that am not alone.

Yes, true love does exists but it's very hard to find. Paulie challenged everything in her life and she was stopped by nothing. She will do anything to get her love back….remember when she was in the library and she shouted "I will howl your name to the reverberate hills and make the babbling gossip of the air cry out: VICTORIA". She doesn't care what others think about her,… see I don't have that. And when she shoved Tory's father at the dance party and she started dancing with her…No she's not psycho as some people might think, she's strong and really knows what she wants, that's why I admire her. She's in love and she has a wonderful understanding of love: "Love is. It just is! And nothing you can say can make it go away. Because it is the point of why we are here. It is the highest point, and when you're up there, looking down on everyone else, you're these forever. If you move right? You FALL!"….I totally agree with her (this is my favourite quoteJ I wish I could be as strong as Paulie!

You can be one person to the world, but for one person you can be the whole world. This is what Tory was for Paulie, the whole world. I also believe that Tory and Paulie weren't lesbians, they just were totally in love with each other. You know, love has no gender! Paulie was desperately missing Tory eventhough she was right beside her and she couldn't stand this fact. Tory was the only one who ever loved her.

This film is special to me, and it is because it helped me discover who I really am. Hehe it took me 18 years…long time hey?…and I still have to discover more about myself. When I made my own researches about this film I found out that this film was special for other people too and everyone has his/her different reasons why this film is so special.

Whenever I watch Lost and Delirious ,it's like am watching it for the first time and my heart blazes with a secret flame. Lost and Delirious lights up my world.

I dream about the ways it inspires me into the night…but then it's morning again so I have to face reality.

I ask myself : " Shall I abide this DULL world, which in thy absence is no better than a sty?"…Well, for now, I have to…then God knows.

Ant, August 20, 2003

Review - by Sabine

I rented the DVD and I watched the movie twice in a row. I went on the internet to look at reviews and found really extreme responses. I think this is something about movies like L&D, you either like it, or you don't. that's what makes it special.

I didn't think that Piper is a great actress before I saw this movie (and I've only seen Coyote Ugly before this), now I totally admire her skills. Her portrayal of Paulie is so fantanstic! I have to admit that I fell in love with Paulie after I saw the movie..hehe! (who won't?)
The entire movie is just so emotional... and it's almost like Shakespeare. In most Shakepearean tragedies, the downfall of the central character is so quick (e.g. Othello, Macbeth) and everything
goes by so fast, so dramatic.

I think the hawk is suppose to be a parallel character to Paulie, although I don't really know how the metaphor works. I have no clue as to why Graham Greene being the gardener is signicficant. for once I'm glad that I've studied Shakespeare in school. oh, just a side note, the lines that Paulie used in the library scene (where she jumps on the table/the "I will make me a willow cabin..." line) is from another Shakespeare play Twelfth Night. L&D is the only movie that made me sit and think when it is over. And I say think I mean REAL thinking, not trying-to-figure-out-what-just-happened kind of thinking.

I tend to ignore what critics say about movies now. Especially with a... i guess you can say controversial movie like L&D, whether it is a good or bad movie depends on personal perspectives. so near the end, is Paulie suffering a nervous breakdown or she's just on the verge of having one? Does she not realize it? I heard that people who are suffering from mental/psychological problems often do not know that there's something wrong with them. Come to think about it, it's kind of creepy...that means you won't know that you've gone crazy until someone tells you. The movie is kind of depressing though... I totally feel for Paulie. maybe the gardener isn't that important at all. maybe it's just one of those over-analysing things. tend to do that when we study a novel at school. every rock and tree symbolizes something, hehe~ maybe he's sort of the adult guy who's there to balance out the movie. When Mouse is puzzled or going through a hard time, he's that one that she goes to and even though he does not have many lines, what he says is usually quite thoughtful (one of my favourite lines being Mouse:"How much does it matter what other people think of you?" him:"I guess it depends on how much they're paying you...how much are they paying you?" oh, and another one. "In Transition, interesting. Do you spell it with a 'ph' or an 'f'?"). the scenes with Mouse and the gardener allow the audience to take a breath in between the intense acts.

there's some confusion regarding the ages of Mouse, Paulie and Tori and the school that they're actually at. The film IS shot at Bishop's University but it doesn't mean that it is a university in the film. They just used the location (it's such a nice campus! i almost wanted to apply there for university but i realize that i cannot speak french) and transformed it into a boarding house & high-school so the three girls are still in high school. i don't think that they've ever mentioned the school name so i guess that's where the confusion came in. Mouse, i believe, is 14 if the movie is based on Susan Swan's novel "the Wives of Bath" (bad book actually, not comparable to the movie). she's smart and skipped a few grades. Paulie and Tori are presumably in their final years of high school since they are talking about going to McGill (a university) the next fall, and in Canada, depends on which province you're in, you can be anywhere between 17-19 when you graduate from high school. Mouse is roomed with the couple because they ARE in the same grade (and maybe there's space in their room, maybe, according to Paulie, "Miss Vaughn didn't want us to get all lonely up there.")

on another note, i went to check out the polls and there's one on "which is your favourite scene in L&D?" and to my disappointment, the scene where Paulie goes all berserk, smashing the mirror isn't included. Mouse comes in telling her to give up on Tori, saying that Tori's not a lesbian, Paulie says, "I'm a lesbian? is that what you think?" Mouse: "well, you're a girl in love with a girl..." Paulie: "NO! I am PAULIE, in love with TORI, remember?" then something like "i love her, and she loves me, and none of us are lesbians!" (don't quote me 'cause i can't remember the exact wording). i think that this scene is important because it conveys one of the main themes of the movie: love isn't about what you are, it is about who you are.

some people may wish that Paulie hasn't died, that she and Tory would get back together and such, but when i come to really think about it, i think this ending is probably the best. not in a sense that i think Paulie deserves to die, but with how the story goes, a happy ending will spoil everything. it's interesting how Lea Pool didn't actually show Paulie falling off the roof, she showed the hawk flying instead. the ending makes you think. it adds the depth to the movie.
i didn't know that she turned down a role in Pearl Harbour for this, but i'm definately glad that she did. (yay to Piper!) once, i watched the beginning then i fast forward to the end. Paulie is so different! my heart broke when i saw her going through all the stuff at the end. my bro watched it too and he wanted to watch it again but he couldn't because it's too sad.

i have a question about Paulie. does she regard herself as a girl, a boy or a nothing? i mean, does she define her own sex or she doesn't care? does she hate herself for being a girl? does she hate boys? In a way i think she is a feminist, one evidence being the math class scene. when Ms. Bannet said to Tory, "If you spend less time gabbing and more time listening..." Paulie responded, "Gabbing? I consider that a punch in the face, Ms. Bannet. This is a word that men use to trivialize women's talking to each other. You want to be part of that s***?" one thing is for sure, she doesn't think herself as a "lesbo". man, Paulie is so complex. it's amazing how a character can be so well developed in a 103 min movie. she's romantic, devoted, determined, smart, passionate, strong, confident... and i'm sure there's more to that list. what's more, her ability to understand Shakespeare on the spot amazes me. can anyone actually do that? read Shakespeare just like reading any other english writings? i would never understand it without the annotations and i have to at least read it over twice (i think the girls' book may not be annotated because when they were on the Lady Macbeth "unsex me here" scene, Mouse said, "i think gall means poison", which means that it doesn't say on the book. but being such a important scene, it is quite unlikely that the book would not explain it).

this is all i have to say for now. i just saw L&D a couple weeks ago and I LOVED it. I'd be happy to talk to anyone about this movie.

Sabine, October 14, 2002