Pauline Oster

Victoria Moller

Mary 'Mouse' Bradford

Mary and the Gardener






Pauline Oster

Pauline Oster (Piper Perabo) is a cute, rebellious and eccentric teenage girl. She is the biggest risk-taker and possibly the closest thing in school to being a "bad" girl. She is spikes the punch, talks back fearlessly to teachers, and smokes.

To sum up her philosophy, her favourite quote is “Rage more!” Pauline, or “Paulie,” is constantly trying to rage more. In Lost and Delirious, she falls in love with her room-mate, Victoria. Paulie deeply loves Victoria, or Tory, as much as a teenage girl can.

In the beginning of the movie, Tory reciprocates Paulie’s love and they seem to be very happy. They kiss on the roof in the night, hold each other hands in the choir, and make love.

One important thing about Paulie is that she was given up for adoption at birth. Throughout the movie, she tries to find her real mother, whom she has never seen. Nevertheless, Paulie is not angry with her and desires some kind of personal connection with her.

One day while jogging, Paulie, Tory and Mouse see a hurt raptor. Paulie stays with the bird and instructs the other girls to continue on their run. Paulie quickly built a house for the injured raptor. The bird became like a friend to Paulie, as they helped each other out. Paulie taught it to fly again, and the raptor became a friend for Paulie to talk to at any time. Paulie was always in the action. Sometimes it appeared as if she did not sleep at all.

Paulie seemed to be very happy as long as she knew that Tory was always going to be there for her. Paulie’s world was shattered and suddenly their pure love destroyed as Tory’s sister caught them in bed together. Tory was afraid that her strict and religious parents would disown her, so she broke up with her roommate. Paulie embarks on a desperate journey to win back her lover. She acts like she has nothing to lose. Her feelings of recklessness were justified. She really had nothing to lose except her beloved Tory. She had no one behind her, with no parents or other friends. Paulie, like every person in the world, needed someone to love her.

Paulie deplored to Ms. Vaughn regarding Tory, “She's the only person who ever loved me, you know? I think I'll die without her...” Ms. Vaughn tried to help her, but Paulie refused the help. She was at that age when a person thinks that nobody can help because nobody understands. Mouse also tried to help her, but she was too young and had no life experience to share. So Paulie stayed alone among people, as her only friend was the raptor. She often told the bird that it would one day fly away. It seemed that maybe Paulie would like to fly away with it, but she couldn’t…

Paulie’s situation worsened as she realized that Tory still loved her. Tory even whispered to Paulie in the night, “…I will never love anybody the way I love you...”

Paulie was not the kind of person who would simply resign to losing her love and just cry in the night. She struggled for her love and chose the most unexpected ways to win Tory back. When Tory was studying in the library with other girls, Paulie arrives in her white fencing outfit, holding a sword as started pronouncing, “I will make me a willow cabin at your gate and call upon my soul within the house. I will write loyal cantons of condemned love and sing them loud even in the dead of night... I will howl your name to the reverberate hills and make babbling gossip of the air cry out, Victoria!” Even later, when Tory was dancing with her father, Paulie cut in and told Tory to say that she loved her as a lover. She even called on Jake for a duel to the death for Victoria…

But nothing ever changed, and Tory never took Paulie back. Paulie became really freaked out. Sometimes, she acted like a crazy person, but the madness was a direct result of her love.

Paulie didn’t consider herself as a lesbian. She cried to Mouse, “I'm Paulie in love with Tory, remember? And Tory is...she is in love with me because, she is mine and I am hers and neither of us are lesbians!” Paulie was trying to explain to Mouse that they just loved each other, and love does not know gender. No matter if you are male or female, you can love somebody, because you love a person but not a gender. Paulie tells the class, “…because LOVE IS! It just IS!!! And nothing you can say can make it go away! It is the point of why we are here. It is the highest point and once you are up there, looking down at everyone else, you're there forever... If you move, right? You fall...”

The end of the story is very sad, as Mouse runs out of the trees in tears. Reading one last line from Shakespeare, Paulie addressed her school, her teachers, and Tory one last time. Paulie flew away to her ‘secret house’… from atop the rooftop. The look of horror on Tory’s face summed up every true feeling inside of her. Her tears were still and her words nonexistent, as shock and sadness choked her with the loss of her true love.

by Kate


Victoria Moller


Victoria Moller, played by Jessica Pare, is a vivacious, but at the same time, a sensitive girl. She shared a room with Pauline Oster (Piper Perabo), who was her best friend and lover. During the beginning of the movie, Tory is a very popular, communicative and merry person. She always smiles and seems to be very happy. However, when she is with Paulie, she became sensitive, loving and vulnerable.

Her love for Paulie was quite obvious when they kissed on the roof and when they sat on the bank, discussing their plans for the summer. When Tory comes out of the shower, kissing Paulie and saying, “I would so totally loose it without you, P…,”  

One very important characteristic found in Tory, which defines her character, is her relationship with her family. Referring to her mother, Tory tells Paulie: “I can't say what I mean, P. I mean, how can I ever really say to her what I mean? Even in a letter? I mean like...Dear Mummy I hate you...

for multiple reasons...The most recent one being when you went on and on about my teeth at Easter, in front of all your gross friends. You want me to be like, your perfect junior league girl...and grow up to do charity balls, and be the concubine of some banker, like you. But the truth of it is, I'm like addicted to chocolate. And like, I just always wanna be around you...I'm like a stupid little puppy, and you keep kicking my teeth with your your tone... And sometimes, I don't know...sometimes, I wish you were dead...” Victoria loves her mother dearly, but at the same time, she hates her.

We also know that Tory has a brother and a sister. Her younger sister, Allison (Emily VanCamp), was the one who caught Tory and Paulie in their compromising situation. She found them still sleeping, mostly naked and wrapped around each other. From that moment on, Tory began to distance herself from Paulie.

Tory was born into a very religious and conservative family. Because she is a part of her family, she tries to conform to the expectations of her parents. Tory yearns to be like everybody else, to fit into the crowd. We find her behaviour to be the result of her weakness. She isn’t brave or strong enough to be the person that she wants to be. She is constantly trying to please both her parents and her classmates. Since she left Paulie, she stopped being true to herself. Then she became just a part of society, just another ordinary girl.

However, we can see that she still cares about Paulie. She spoke to Mary, explaining her emotional situation, telling her that she loves Paulie, but because of her parents, she can’t be with her anymore. She asks Mouse to be a loyal friend to her. It is obvious that Tory suffered as she let go of Paulie because she loved her. There is a scene in the movie when Tory tries to explain her feelings to Paulie. Tory whispered quietly in a frustrated voice: “Paulie, listen to me ok?? because I'm gonna say this once and never, ever again. I will never love anybody the way I love you...Never...You know that, and I know that, and I will die knowing that, ok?? But it just can never, it just can never, ever, forever be. Do you understand? It just can never, ever, forever be...” At that point, Tory kissed Paulie one last time.

It was apparent that Tory really could not be with Paulie anymore. Even if they would continue on, they would still be hiding their love and relationship from everyone. They could never truly be happy again together. It is very difficult to have the need to hide your true feelings and relationships from other people. Tory, unlike Paulie, had something to lose. She almost lost her family. Can any person live without family? I think not…

Tory should not be considered a coward. It was not her fault that she lived in a society where she could not be true to herself. Society is causing problems by setting restrictions on the private lives of people. This is exactly the reason that Victoria started dating boys. She wanted to prove that she was “normal,” that she was like all the other people. She knew that she was hurting Paulie, but she couldn’t help it. She tried to explain to her that she wanted them to remain friends, even if the situation makes it seem impossible. Then Tory tells Pauline that she loves her, but will never be with her anymore.

Yes, it was very hard on Paulie, but on the other side of the situation, it was not easy for Tory to pretend. Tory had to live her life in public, pretending that she was fine, and that everything was okay…

We know the tragic end of this story… People, maybe we should be more tolerant to those who are not the same as overall majority? Think about it…

by Kate


Mary 'Mouse' Bedford

In the first scene of Lost and Delirious, Mary Bedford (Mischa Burton) arrives at the all-girl’s boarding school where she would stay for the year. She was dropped off by her father in an extremely cold manner. Mary seemed very intimidated, but soon she became delighted with the kindness in which she was welcomed. The school’s headmistress, Ms. Vaughn, assigned Mary to a room with two beautiful girls – Pauline and Victoria. First she met Victoria, and then Paulie. Both girls quickly adopted their new roommate. Mary mostly answered to her nickname “Mouse.” She was an extremely shy, meek, timid and insecure young girl. She was also very naive.

Mouse quickly learned that her roommates were more than just friends. She witnessed them kissing on the roof in the darkness of the night. At first, Mouse thought that they were simply practicing for boys. She went on to see and hear them make love and kiss. After a while, she became a witness to the love and to the relationship between Paulie and Tory.

In an aside, Mary thinks, “I don't know if they know that I can hear, or just pretended they didn't know...but after a while, it was kind of, I don't know...ok. Their sounds, their whispers, their shadows, became kind of, well, just like part of my dreams or something... just the way things were...” At that point, Mary accepted their relationship and resolved not to intervene in it.

We also know that Mary’s mother died of cancer three years before. Mouse was very close to her mother, and missed her greatly when she died. In addition to that pain, Mary hated her stepmother, because she did not love her at all. After Mouse told her roommates her story, Paulie decided to start calling her Mary B., “B for brave…”

Throughout her stay at school, Mouse rarely spoke with anyone aside from gardener. He was possibly a substitution for her mother because they used to garden together before she died. He acted as her confidante, because she talked to him about her mother. She felt a strong closeness and understanding with him, and they became friends.

On one terrible morning, the world of intimate relationships between Paulie and Tory came crashing down. They were accidentally caught in a compromising situation. Tory began to distance herself from Paulie as much as it was possible. Mouse was left torn between her two friends. Tory explained the entire situation to Mary, and asked her to be Paulie’s loyal friend. Mouse really tried to be there for the mentally unstable Paulie. She tried to support her as well as she could. But the obvious problem was that Mary was too young. She had no life experience, and she had no idea what to do to help her. She stands up for Paulie when Allison, Tory’s sister, told that her that people were making rude comments about her, just because she was loyal to Paulie. Mary B. became angry for the first time when she said to Allison, “Well, Paulie's my friend! So, I guess it doesn't really matter what other people think!!!”

Mouse became closer to Paulie when her father did not come to the parent’s dinner. Mary felt like she was betrayed by her father, the dearest man in the world to her. But by that time, Paulie was uncontrollable. She was on her way to freedom, and nobody could stop her.

Mary was there with Paulie as she engaged in dual with Jake. She witnessed the rage of Paulie as she fought for her lady. At first, Mary tried to support Paulie during the duel. It was obvious that she did not understand how serious situation was, for Paulie was not joking at all…

“Dear my mother, I almost got lost too, didn't I? But the pure love you gave me before you died, was like a flame, always there...burning...And just like the raptor; that little flame was all I needed, in order to see in the dark. Thank you, mama, for saving me from the dark...Paulie...she didn't have that. The darkness took over her, and she had to fly away...I still dream of her, every night. And I think I always will... And you know, I can always remember your face now...Anytime I think of you, I look up, and I see your face. My mother's face, like a flame across the sky...”

by Kate


Mary 'Mouse' Bedford and her relation to Joe Menzies, the gardener

Mouse Bedford is a very shy and timid character, when she arrives at the boarding school and becomes Paulie’s and Tori’s new roommate.

As she has never been to a boarding school before in her life, she is not comfortable with the new environment and meeting new people neither familiar sharing a room with her two roommates Paulie and Tori or how to find friends in the school.

Even if Mouse, Paulie and Tori become close friends and Mouse is totally accepted after the scene, where the three girls read out loud to one another letters, they've written to their mothers or like Mouse, would write to her mother, if it would be possible. Actually Mouse’s mother died of cancer a couple of years before. Still her mother rules a lot of Mouse Bedford’s life.

The first contact between Mouse and the gardener happens, when Mouse comes out of the chapel and notice Menzies planting a tree. Mouse says “Um… excuse me.. I was wondering, would you-could you…” Menzies, seeing her insecurity asks Mary: “You like to garden?” and very relieved Mouse answers: “Yeah.” As she suddenly seems to remember, that the gardener still is an official person of the boarding school, she continues: “Yes. I used to do it everyday from April till it snowed, with my mother, before she passed away. A couple of years ago.”

Menzies, who acts unlikely to his profession like a very wise persons, seems to be glad himself, to be recognised by one of the girls for the first time. He welcomes Mouse idea with the words: “That’s the first time in 20 years that one of the girls offered. It’s like a sign coming, you know, like a dawning of a new age.”

When Mouse and the gardener say good-bye to each other, they make a joke about Mouse name. When Mouse is asked for her name, she tells him “well, it’s in transition” and Menzies answers: ”in transition? I like that. You’re a bit of a thinker, aren’t you?”

As time goes by, Mouse starts helping Menzies in the garden and tells him a lot of her mother and what she and her mother have done in their garden at home. Mouse seems to see in Menzies a substitute for her mother, which is based mostly on the work, Menzies does as a gardener. But the longer they talk, Mouse seems to accept Menzies as a new found friend and later as an adviser in asking special questions according to her everyday life activities; Menzies is still replacing the advice of her mother. Menzies takes this thought and tells Mouse: “Your mother, she sounds pretty interesting.” By saying this, he seems to gain Mouse’s confidence. Mouse seems to be really glad to have found someone to talk about her past time with her mother and gets more comfortable and self-secured as well.

After Paulie was caught in bed naked with Tori, Mouse had an argument with Allison, Tori's sister. Mouse places her position for the first time, by telling Allison, Paulie is her friend and so she guesses, it does not really matter, what other people think. Mouse feels that Allison is prying into matters that are none of her business.

But after she said this, she became insecure again about her own words and runs towards the gardener, asking him: “How much does it matter what other people think?” and Menzies answers: “Depends how much they’re paying you, I guess.” Mouse and Menzies start to laugh out loud, after that. Menzies is able to make Mouse feel secure again and so takes the part of her mother again. Menzies brings about a sense of humour which brings comfort and calmness within the conversation.

The more Paulie’s problems grow, the less Mouse seems to be able to deal with her own life. While running toward a happening, the gardener stops her, asking how it is going. Mouse answers: “Kind of weird actually. … You ever know someone who changed? … Like the change from this to the winter freeze?” Menzies often acting, like if problems that seem to be unsolvable for Mouse are actually not really problems, tries to give her an answer with a phrase: “Grass comes back every spring, green as ever. I guess people can too.” But this time, Mouse is to worried and answers: “Some people never come back, though, right?” and ends the discussion abrupt by telling “I have to go”. After this scene it seems the confidence between the gardener and Mouse got lost. Mouse, being totally overstretched with helping Paulie, almost has no more time to think about her mother and therefore probably loses interest in talking to Menzies.

There is no real dispute between the gardener and Mouse, but as the contact between Mouse and the gardener seemed to have got lost, none of them is able to return to talk to each other.

The last time, we see the gardener and Mary B in one scene, Menzies shakes his head and as he watches the raptor fly, here seems to be the first time in the movie, that we see something like fear in his eyes. Mouse and Menzies part ways in bizarre situations; Mouse running with Paulie, who screaming like a hawk, towards the woods, while Menzies continues his tasks on the grounds. There is no defined ending on the special friendship between Mouse and Menzies, but Menzies probably knows at this point, that he will never be able to talk to Mouse, as he did and therefore, there will something be missing in his future life, even if life might go on the same way as it did before he met Mary Bedford.

by Stef